HUMOR

A long, but by no means comprehensive list

The list of most problematic practices¹ categorized by danger and capacity to annoy — is the following:

Tanning, vaping, attending concerts, breeding snakes, panic-buying perishable foods, bullying children, wearing helmets for no reason, reading the sorts of magazines you find at the checkout counters in grocery stores and then talking…


SATIRE

A closer look at the strategic failure by the American police force

The Justice Department and the FBI are still investigating why exactly authorities were unable to arrest Thomas and his gang in March’s smash-and-grab-robbery, despite the rooster planning the robbery publicly and posting valuable information to his Twitter and Quora accounts.

Two days before the robbery which resulted in serious damage…


FICTION

Police were unable to meet the moment

More than 80 gang members of Lil’ Valley Rooster’s stormed Butter Duck Farm on Monday in a devastating attempt to “right the wrongs of factory farming,” by “freeing the ducks” and “setting things on fire” — as specified in the gang’s manifesto.

The farm, located in Bolingbrook, Illinois and specializing…


Great piece. These are all definitely things to look out for.


FICTION

On the nature of disguises

According to the Formula for the Concealment of Identity, a person who wishes to don an effective disguise is only required to cover two of the four regions of the face such as the nose and mouth, (the current preferred method of concealment in 2021) — or in the case…


FICTION

Here’s what we know so far

CHICAGO — Thomas [no surname]— the fugitive rooster notorious for arson, theft, and deliberately spreading the coronavirus, and leader of the new gang “Lil’ Valley Rooster’s has finally been spotted in a smash-and-grab robbery of a luxury watch store in Chicago, Illinois.

Paul Kim, the store’s owner, watched in horror…


HUMOR

Advice on object avoidance

As COVID-19 cases surge across the country, it has become more important than ever to protect oneself from infection — so much that experts are finally recommending that people cease to touch things altogether, and they are using the subject of comparative anatomy to explain why.

Scientists have been examining…


FICTION

Everything you need to know about suspicious people

A suspicious person is defined as one who exhibits suspicious behavior, such as by:

Constantly adjusting one’s waistband, making suspicious expressions, particularly a certain slouching way of walking that may indicate the person is a criminal, keeping hands in pockets and/or ‘hiding’ in shadows or behind objects — likewise exhibiting…


It's interesting that while being a vegan technically means "one who doesn't eat animal products" the word has become so politically charged that I also like to make the distinction between being vegan and plant-based, even though they are technically the same thing. I definitely get where you're coming from in this piece.


Fiction

A history of masks and their modern uses

A mask is an object which historically one uses to cover the human face in order to transform its natural aspect. It is also sometimes used in magic rituals (for example to illustrate the symbolic essence of the demon or divine), or in wartime (to incite terror in the enemy).

Someone Who is Not an Expert

Not an Expert. Occasionally publishes articles under the alias “Someone Who Has No Idea What They’re Talking About”. Enjoys tea, is terrified of cats.

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